Sexual Stewardship and Marriage

This week for our Marriage class we have been discussing sexual intimacy and fidelity in marriage. This is a very important topic when it comes to marriage and yet often between spouses it is taboo. One of our readings really stood out to me, it is called Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage by Sean E. Brotherson. In the reading Brotherson shares three of four attitudes about sexual intimacy in marriage that can poison that relationship between spouses and cause problems that can lead to divorce. 

Pic cred: Ryan Cheney Photography

The first mentioned is Ignorance. "A failure to understand your own body, your partner's responses, and the essential ingredients of a healthy sexual relationship quickly becomes a failure to find sexual satisfaction as a married couple. Problems in this area of a marriage relationship can severely impact couple communication and caring, and leads often to insecurity, anxiety, frustration, anger, emotional alienation, and even divorce." (Brotherson)

The second is Inhibition; "avoidance of dealing with one's thoughts, feelings, desires, or behaviors related to sexual functioning in marriage. Many husbands and wives who have an adequate understanding of sexual matters in marriage still struggle to overcome negative thoughts or feelings associated with the expression of sexual love. I have discussed this phenomenon with a large number of couples who, despite their love for each other, have found it difficult to become comfortable in verbalizing their feelings or touching each other in intimate ways after marriage. They may have a somewhat functional sex life, but they often find it disturbed by thoughts of unwholesomeness, feelings of anxiety or uncertainty, or inability to express themselves physically in ways that are open and comfortable and pleasing to each other." (Brotherson)

The last is Ill Will; "a catch-all term for emotional or verbal abuse, inattentiveness, apathy, isolation, anger, or other forms of negativity that couples may practice and thus perpetuate a cycle of ill feeling and willful hurt in a marriage relationship. No aspect of marriage is more sensitive to emotional upheaval than the sexual relationship. [...] In several ways, ill will can undermine or sabotage the fulfillment of sexual love in marriage." (Brotherson)

pic cred: Snapshots By Shaylee

I felt like these little snippets from the reading really explained well how these attitudes are dangerous to marriage. Personally I have not dealt with ill will in my own marriage but ignorance and inhibition about sexual intimacy are attitudes I made a personal effort to address before my marriage earlier this year. I had a similar experience to Brotherson, that he shares in the beginning of this article. He was engaged and close to getting married in the temple to his sweetheart when he realized that he really knew very little about sexual intimacy, which would naturally be a part of the marriage relationship he was entering. As I was preparing for my own marriage, I had the same realization and was actually really nervous and even scared of getting married just because of that part of a marriage relationship.  Giving myself permission to seek answers from wholesome sources really helped. I entered marriage with a better understanding of why sexual intimacy is so important between spouses, as well as more patience with myself and my husband as we sought understanding of that new relationship together.