Today 40-50% of marriages will end in divorce. That statistic sounds like a self-fulfilling prophecy. It causes doubt and fear for those contemplating marriage, causing them to think that they could be doomed to be part of that statistic. It also can be an excuse: “If half of all marriages supposedly end in divorce, this was inevitable. It isn’t worth fixing. We just aren’t meant to be.” What a dark cloud to have hanging over a happy union!
Divorce is very much a part of modern society – it is no longer the social taboo it once was. People expect it to happen, and they know at least one couple of close acquaintance who has gone through a divorce, if not more than one couple. Because of the wide acceptance of divorce, and also modern laws like no-fault divorce that make it easy to break marital ties, marriage is now viewed less and less as a permanent institution. It is just another relationship that can be easily dissolved. How can we change that view? How can we remind people that marriage is amazing, and happy marriages are possible! It does not have to end in divorce, there doesn’t need to be that dark cloud of anxiety and doubt hanging over the idea of marriage.
There are two insights that seem to always pop up when marriage/divorce is discussed:
- Communication kills divorce, not marriage. Couples who can talk about their problems in a constructive way are one step closer to resolving those differences. Your spouse should be your best friend and best friends know how to talk with one another.
- Rearview mirrors are for quick glances, not intense study. If you drive forwards while constantly focusing backwards you will inevitably crash. The past can only be forgiven and forgotten, not changed. The future holds that power, continue looking forward. Focusing on negative past behaviors feeds a grudge and unresolved grudges can kill a marriage.
I really believe that if we focus on strengthening communication, and looking forward to the possibilities of a new day that we can nurture happy, healthy, and lasting marriages.
“A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and woman committed to strive together towards perfection.”
– Elder Dallin H. Oaks
Photo Cred: Ryan Cheney Photograpy
